Sunday, March 14, 2010

Crime Beat Alert: Richard Gere Type Creature Used As Blunt Instrument In Bar Fight At Brogues

the regular neckless hooligan frat bro-stink exuded from Brogue's Irish Pub in downtown Lake Worth was particularly acute. It wafted through the streets with a severity unmatched in recent weeks. As is the case most nights, a bar fight broke out between the preposterone induced rage of the Reptilian Dewlap Posse on one side and the quick menacing knives of the Shriners on the other. Somewhere in the midst of the brawl one of the Shriner's pulled out a small Richard Gere type creature from his stomach crevasse and beat a random passerby with it.

Mary Lindsey and Scott Maxwell broke into a local children's hospital to, in the words of Lindsey, "heckle the young and the innocent ones." Maxwell and Lindsey were arrested then released without charges.

a local anarchist threw a brick through her own home window in response to a purchase of Starbucks coffee she had made earlier in the day. The young woman was arrested and charged with conspiracy to overthrow one's own place within the system, domestic terrorism, and resisting arrest without violence. If found guilty she faces up to fifty years in federal prison.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Lake Worth Shaman Heals World Through MySpace Blog Posts

See Shaman Hawks Myspace Magic Here

A recent communique released by Shaman Hawk (reposted below) outlines the spiritual leaders message for healing and spiritual connection with the cosmos. Both the Dali Lama and Roland Emmerich, director of the film 2012, called the blog post "a message of hope wrapped in the sublime html format commonly available on Myspace."

However, some have been critical of Shaman Hawk's Myspace magic. DdawgsuckaMC72, a thirty year old humanoid and regular consumer of Myspace mysticism considers Shaman Hawk's Myspace treatises to be little more than the sad attempts of an alienated individual reaching out through the spiritually void and emotionally unnaccountable dystopia of online social networking. "I used to think Myspace was awesome, but now I see that Facebook is the way to go," DdawgsuckaMC72 said.

AngelPimplesVortex, a 19 year old college freshman and Wiccan (seeking Networking, Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends) had this to say: "The other day Hawk told me 'Lol, wtf. I mean wtf your Myspace is lame. You need to go to' And when I went to that site there was just a bunch of bullshit unicorn and army camo page layouts. Thats so fucking lame."

Here is the Illustrious Blog Post: Click here to go to the original

"This is about the hebegebe wannabe bitches that think they can go live in the mountains and pretend they have their shit together and be cool. Just because you hoes have men that are soft and compliant doesn't mean you are strong. It just means you have weak men that serve as your bitches.

I put up new material and write ups on the net that show the details of your dwellings and our work. Your homes and land made wonderful sets. Your petty
efforts only spawn our creativity in editing.

Lick me.----"

Shaman Hawks insightful depiction of "hebegebe wannabe bitches" gets to the source of the sadness inherent in modern civilization: the lack of authenticity in the western psyche and the need to channel our efforts, not face to face, but through blog posts as the central means by which to reconnect with the Life Spirit© and MyCommunity®.

Please contact Shaman Hawk for a tarot card reading, or a myspace or facebook friend request.

For more messages of inspiration visit

Mark Parilla Captures Soul of Small Child in Wall-Bound Robot as Phase II of his Master Gentrification Plan in Lake Worth

This just in, Mark Parilla, former member of the militant independence movement, the Young Lords, officially sold his soul earlier this morning to the Fasco-Reptilian Elite and the Lake Worth Coalition of Gentricating Dip Shits (LWCGDS).

In an interview on the steps of Commissioner Scott Maxwell's Lake Worth dungeon complex, Parilla had this to say: "It was really quite painless, all I had to do was foreswear any human emotion and promise to work towards the Great Yuppie Influx that is ordained for Lake Worth in 2012. I got some great slacks out of it. Oh yeah, and I had to install this wall-unit which houses the tormented soul of a small child for my future nourishment. I can't live without a daily rending of innocence. I suck it up like a spaghetti noodle through this hose here."

Parilla provided the Lake Worth Wingnut with a rather detailed flow-chart of his future plans to create a Master Class in Lake Worth. The chart details measures already taken to infiltrate the city through the Community Advisory Board and the Genesis Neighborhood Association. "Immigrants, working class schmucks, and lepers beware! I will drive you out of Lake Worth!" Parilla vowed as lightning and thunder turned the sunny day temporarily ominous.

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