Thursday, April 21, 2011
Swedish primitivists and avant-guard performance artists Tre Två En Paleolitisk Disco, formerly of the Goteborg based pop-rock band Sätta din Riskkapitalist Under min Dröm Anus Träd, have moved to the lush jungle's of John Prince Park. "We are to take up Llama grazing. We have decided that as primitivists it is time for the next step, we must now alienate ourselves from our symbiotic relationship with animals to one of control and domination. The llamas will obey their masters or else! In several years we will try agriculture, then we will form a city-state near the jungle gym near the main entrance along Lake Worth road. Finally we will invent cheese-in a can and the leaf blower. This will complete our experiment of social evolution, from hunting and gathering to pouring cheese directly into our mouths and blowing leaves around and around with the very littlest of expression on our faces.
To contact Tre Två En Paleolitisk Disco
Friday, April 1, 2011
In 1780, Carl Linnaeus, often called the father of taxonomy, recorded the existence of a very rare half-hippy, half-clown, primate, hippicus clownicus. The creature captured in photos by two Audubon birdwatchers this Friday appears to be a sub-species known as Ana Rodriguez.
"We approached the creature very cautiously," said Mary Lewards, an avid bird watcher, "we just didn't know what it was. When we got close, just below the tree, it started yelling, crying, honking its nose and spitting. Then it started smoking pot."
And that's when Mary's husband, Tom Lewards knew what they had come across.
"I couldn't believe it. All the traits of the hippicus clownicus were there. It had a white face and a read nose, furry legs, mixed-matched socks, an earth first! patch, and it was in a tree shouting something about the social-ills caused by air conditioning and what we'll be leaving to future generations."
Scientists from the nearby Scripps Research Institute have requested that the creature be captured and brought to their "very well equipped biotech lair."
"We'll gently prod this thing, put 3000 volts of electricity into its toes, and probably liquify part of its brain with a fun little concoction I'll whip up. It will be a break through. Just think of the benefits to humanity when we spend all that grant money and prove, once and for all, that liquification of the brain renders the organ useless, regardless of species," said Scripps researcher Corinne Lasmezas. "After that we can feed the brain to our newest genetically engineered organism, centi-baby1000."