Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Scott Maxwell Thanks Supporters, Mein Furor for Inspiration to Lead: Pro-Bacteria Wingnuts Riseup in Protest
By Hazeldorth Pooperstench
The swearing in and ritual bloodletting of Scott Maxwell and his intestinal reptilian brood for Lake Worth District I Overlord was disrupted Tuesday afternoon when local wingnut-patriot Ana Rodriguez rappeled down the side of city hall and assaulted Maxwell, ripping the face off his fleshsuit, revealing the slightly more hideous reptilian visage beneath.
Rodriguez was detained by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's office, but escaped from custody when her arresting officers abandoned their vehicle to pursue an ice cream cart.
She is believed to have fled, with the help of escaped trained dolphins and Assata Shakur, to Cuba, although police investigators say they have not ruled out the catacombs beneath the Soma Center, known in certain circles as the Anus of the Raw Elite, as a possible hideout.
The swearing in resumed after mayoral hopeful Rene Varela furnished Maxwell with a replacement fleshmask.
"I always keep a spare in my back pocket," he explained. "This sort of thing happens to me all the time."
The ritual resumed but was again disrupted when a colony of bio-luminescent cyano-bacteria from the Microbial Anti-Defamation League colonized the wall of city hall, spelling out "A city without bacteria is a city without culture"
"Maxwell's comments indicate not only that he is a white supremacist, but a multi-cell supremacist as well." said a spokesbacillus of the Anti-Defamation League. "He has ties to the anti-microbial hate group Johnson & Johnson, whose products he keeps in his bathroom."
Despite all the delays, Maxwell is now the newest member of the Lake Worth City Commission.
To consummate his oath of office he drank the blood of an ACLU lawyer and delivered this stirring message of hope for Lake Worth: "Expedited Naturalization for Jupitarian Illegal aliens; everyone else learn English or get the God Damn out of the USA! God bless the USA, God Damn it!" For clarification, he then sucked the entrails of everyone in the crowd he believed to be un-American, namely Jews, Communists, Gypsies, the disabled, elderly, people of color, homosexuals, and anyone in a t-shirt reading, 'Live Simply so that others may simply Live,' reducing Lake Worth's total population to 17 beings.