Thursday, November 15, 2012

Super-Storm Sandy Really Just a Convergence of Chem-Trails, Says Obamacare Survivor

This week, the Wingnut has decided to published in full, an important testimonial by Obamacare survivor Ted Kakalaski in which the nature of Chem-Trails is detailed:

"Let me tell you! The SECRET history of Obamacare, which is so secret you can only learn about it through Fox News, has been hidden from the sheeple for decades now. That's right--decades. It all started in 1945 [eds. note: the year Nazi leader Adolf Hitler "died"] with an unknown crop-duster from Shitsferbrains, Oklahoma named Jeremiah Dupruis. Durpruis, an orphan child of the Nobama family, a family of banking elites with links to the Rockefellers and the Jupiterian invasion, owned a small business spraying DDT on corn crops and on the side he used his plane to write religious messages in the skies with, what he called, Christ-Trails.

Now fast forward 67 years to the 2012 presidential election as well as the arrival of Frankenstorm Sandy on the East coast which face-slapped coastal yuppies like a mutherfucker. I mean, come on, the crop duster had links to the Nobama family, which is obviously the Obamas and hey, what the fuck is that out the window in the sky? Right there? Its a Chem-Trail. We've got a real shit storm a brewing. Watch out sheeple.

And that's how it all happened. The end."

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Alex Jones, the Pope, the Shriners and Earth First!: Four sides of the same coin

Their intergalactic feud has existed since before the Earth's formation, spanning infinite star systems and has caused the death of billions of lives, from the highly evolved Turd Burglars of the Degoba system to the peace loving and shit slurping Dingleberries of the planet VR-93. Only very rarely have we earthlings seen the infighting carried out in public. Right now there is a power struggle between the Reptilian Overlords and the Illuminati faction of Earth First! vying for dominance of the minds of the planet's sheeple. Don't be fooled. Neither is your friend. Both would rather play in a kiddy pool fashioned from your leathered flesh and filed with your bile than provide you with decent health care or a clean environment.

Take a look at the video below and pay close attention. Our liberation rests in the details of our puppet master's own discord.

And remember, if you are reading this you are the resistance!

Friday, August 10, 2012

Reptilian Overlord Brandon Block Turns 380, Lake Worth to Celebrate Out of Joyous Fear

The Grand PooBaux of Skunk-Ape Anoles, the hairy subspecies of our reptilian overlords, is celebrating his 380th birthday on Saturday, August 10th in downtown Lake Worth. Both Lake and Lucerne avenues will be closed to traffic.  The Lake Worth Wingnut had the opportunity today to speak with Overlord Block to find out about the planned festivities.

The Wingnut: Overlord Block, thank you for not ingesting my eyes or slurping my nano-ether through your membranes located behind your ears when I walked in the door.  First of all, happy early birthday. Please tell our readers what you have learned in your 380 year life.

Overlord Block: Perhaps the most important thing I'd like to impart on your readers is this. I have studied you humans a good deal. I've tasted of your flesh, undergone an anal cleanse with the juices of your pancreas, and have pondered the workings of your urinary system. This I can say for sure from study in male-humanoid urinals. If you shake it more than three times when you are finished, you are actually playing with it. You aren't fooling anyone.

W: I'm so sorry Overlord. So, so sorry. Please don't...

OB: Give me those eyeballs!

[Editor's Note: The Wingnut is sorry to report that the interview ended with the ingestion of our beat reporters eyes. Though we are honored by the Overlords choice of a Wingnutian for his pre-birthday cuisine, we are saddened by the loss of such a relentless and brave reporter.]

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