Saturday, November 21, 2009

Palm Beach Post's "Gala of Shit Slurping Reptilian Birth Spectacles" Held in Honor of Lou Dobbs, Scott Maxwell, and Rene Varela

Today, Wingnut correspondent Thomas Kindershiza exposed an effort by Lake Worth Commissioner Scott Maxwell and Post Editors Tim Burke and Randy Schultz to replace the spineless liberals of the Post with what they call "hearty, honest, reptile birthing journalists" such as the CNN's former reptilian star Lou Dobbs and Stormfront's Don Black, who is proud to offer the Post a new, white and reptilian 'worldwide' audience. Said Don Black, "we are the master race from outter-space." The Palm Beach Post, which has over three-quarters-of-a-million daily readers in print and online each week, is also the mouth piece of the International Coalition of Bankers, Nazis, and Turd Stompers. Really.

This sudden shift in staff came upon urgent need to secure the Mayoral race for Rene Varela, who is known to come from a long line of Caribbean reptilian shape-shifting alien truck-nutz parasites. His father has donated countless flesh masks to illuminati servants in Tallahassee in hopes that his son will be welcomed with open arms upon eventual arrival. "I know Valactar will pull back my tongue and regurgitate his weeks kill directly down my throat once I win. That's what electoral politics is all about," said Varela at a press conference outside of Lake Worth City Hall last thursday.

Scott Maxwell was seen recently with Burke, Schultz, Dobbs, Varela and the whole white Black family at Nature's Way Cafe, the prefered dining choice of Nazi/Alien overlords. "Try the free-range turkey," Schultz said, noting that world domination by racist Nazi Reptiles would be fed upon the contradictions of ethical meat harvesting. The five individuals were noticed entering an underground bunker built by Henry Ford in 1933, located beneath the thriving cafe, which also has an entrance directly below the music stage of the Havana Hideout. Varela impressed his new media supporters by displaying the ability to shape-shift effortlessly between Retha Lowe and Jeff Clemens. He then detached his false mammalian testicles and ate them stating, "reptiles house their gonads within the body. That is why we are superior."

According to Kindershiza, "if Varela succeeds in making this stride towards the local New World Order, there is a plan underway to celebrate this victory of 'the enlightened' by secretly re-opening Bryant Park's popular FEMA death camp."

The camp was put out of business last month by unethical phone calls from Lake Worth's notorious violent gang of anarchist politicians.

1 comment:

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