Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Local Wingnut Hemi-Prophet Weds Astro-Dryad Battle Mistress in an Anti-Numeroligical Ceremony
On Friday, December 4th, Solarian Anti-Pope Greg Block and Cheryl Checkers the Ostensible were wed in a ceremony attended by family, friends, wingnuts, and kilt-clad moon sirens.
The happy debt-free couple took their vows over the deafening screech of the ritual slaughter of 1000 juvenile Illuminati sun beasts.
An excerpt from their exchange at the altar follows:
Greg: "Cheryl, I promise to always stand by your side no matter how many pupal Jupiterian worm-cats attack our steel-reinforced underground bunker, no matter how often I have to oil and clean your AK-47s, no matter how long I have to wait while we take turns lighting Shriners on fire."
Cheryl: "I vow never to leave your side, to forsake all other dewlaps no matter how leathery, to help maintain and upgrade your exact working replica of the car 'The General Lee' from Dukes of Hazzard that secretly has a machine gun in the engine."
Saturnian Angel-Demon Minister: "Do you both vow to honor and commit to each other even unto facilitating each other's suicide in the event of your terrifying yet inevitable capture by either the Reptilian Pool Boys of Cleveland or the Iron Unfeelers?"
Both: I do.
Afterward, guests mingled and chatted about how drunk they're gonna be on 2012 while photographers did a poor job of capturing the magic of the moment.
In honor of those wingnuts who have fallen in battle with our ever-vigilant foe, no cake was served and no one was permitted to smile for the entire day.
The newlyweds reportedly honeymooned in Detroit and spent their time torching abandoned houses.