Friday, April 1, 2011

Rare Half-hippy Half-clown Primate Found Nesting in Tree in Palm Beach Gardens, FL

In 1780, Carl Linnaeus, often called the father of taxonomy, recorded the existence of a very rare half-hippy, half-clown, primate, hippicus clownicus. The creature captured in photos by two Audubon birdwatchers this Friday appears to be a sub-species known as Ana Rodriguez.

"We approached the creature very cautiously," said Mary Lewards, an avid bird watcher, "we just didn't know what it was. When we got close, just below the tree, it started yelling, crying, honking its nose and spitting. Then it started smoking pot."

And that's when Mary's husband, Tom Lewards knew what they had come across.

"I couldn't believe it. All the traits of the hippicus clownicus were there. It had a white face and a read nose, furry legs, mixed-matched socks, an earth first! patch, and it was in a tree shouting something about the social-ills caused by air conditioning and what we'll be leaving to future generations."

Scientists from the nearby Scripps Research Institute have requested that the creature be captured and brought to their "very well equipped biotech lair."

"We'll gently prod this thing, put 3000 volts of electricity into its toes, and probably liquify part of its brain with a fun little concoction I'll whip up. It will be a break through. Just think of the benefits to humanity when we spend all that grant money and prove, once and for all, that liquification of the brain renders the organ useless, regardless of species," said Scripps researcher Corinne Lasmezas. "After that we can feed the brain to our newest genetically engineered organism, centi-baby1000."

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