Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Left Wing Eco-Wingnuts Sexy Up Their Garden For Coming Collapse of Civilization

Left Wing Eco-Wingnuts Stevie Lowe, Russell McSpadden, Ana Rodriguez, and Syd Sap, have begun preparations for what Rodriguez has called "the imminent collapse of civilization, fondue parties, and flushing toilets." They have installed an outhouse, planted rows of tropical spinach, and put on sexy clothes as a reminder that the collapse can be beautiful too.

According to Syd, the promise of a knew tomorrow on the ashes of the present system of capitalist consumption and domination can only mean one thing: "Gawa. Is it? Mas pwease!"

Stevie Lowe, a renowned eco-wingnut, looks forward to long walks in the bright orange-gray glow of the setting sun as the world economy, corporate agriculture, and industrial mass production feast on their own internal organs displaying for all to see the contradictions and violence inherent in the system. "I just hope someone fucking notices. Thats all I've got to say."

Thursday, December 17, 2009

3rd Annual Lake Worth Wingnut Convention: Special Gests, Val Kilmer and Marc Silverstein,

The 3rd Annual Lake Worth Wingnut Convention will be held at the New Hampton Inn. Advance registration is required.

This years convention promises to be the best ever. Val Kilmer back from the front lines of Gogut with the 5th battalion of interplanetary wingnuts, will host a special two hour round table discussion titled, "How we gonna get them lizards good."

Admiral Marc Silverstein will be taking a break from the 2012 presidential campaign trail to speak on the appropriation of Mayan cosmology by the white middle class. He will also be speaking on the divine principles of boiled peanuts and deep fried peanuts in combating the crypto-turd burglers and the beyond-sense bandits.

For Tickets and Room Reservations Please Contact The New Hampton Inn @
8205 Lake Worth Road
Lake Worth, FL‎ -
561) 472-5980‎

Lets Make This Years Wingnut Convention The Best Ever

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Local Wingnut Hemi-Prophet Weds Astro-Dryad Battle Mistress in an Anti-Numeroligical Ceremony

On Friday, December 4th, Solarian Anti-Pope Greg Block and Cheryl Checkers the Ostensible were wed in a ceremony attended by family, friends, wingnuts, and kilt-clad moon sirens.
The happy debt-free couple took their vows over the deafening screech of the ritual slaughter of 1000 juvenile Illuminati sun beasts.

An excerpt from their exchange at the altar follows:

Greg: "Cheryl, I promise to always stand by your side no matter how many pupal Jupiterian worm-cats attack our steel-reinforced underground bunker, no matter how often I have to oil and clean your AK-47s, no matter how long I have to wait while we take turns lighting Shriners on fire."
Cheryl: "I vow never to leave your side, to forsake all other dewlaps no matter how leathery, to help maintain and upgrade your exact working replica of the car 'The General Lee' from Dukes of Hazzard that secretly has a machine gun in the engine."
Saturnian Angel-Demon Minister: "Do you both vow to honor and commit to each other even unto facilitating each other's suicide in the event of your terrifying yet inevitable capture by either the Reptilian Pool Boys of Cleveland or the Iron Unfeelers?"
Both: I do.

Afterward, guests mingled and chatted about how drunk they're gonna be on 2012 while photographers did a poor job of capturing the magic of the moment.
In honor of those wingnuts who have fallen in battle with our ever-vigilant foe, no cake was served and no one was permitted to smile for the entire day.
The newlyweds reportedly honeymooned in Detroit and spent their time torching abandoned houses.

Centrist Wing of the Coalition of Lake Worth Wingnuts (CWLWW) Flee Rising Tides of Florida For North Carolina, Get Cold, Return

In Their Own Words

Misty-Anne Feather:
"Goddammit, I was sitting right there in the Little Owl Bar when I over heard Al Gore, drunk as hell mind you, telling a damned alien that the tide was gonna rise over night and swallow Lake Worth. So I went to the compound behind the McMow Art Glass Design Studio, and told the crew we was needing to leave immediately and they was all like 'Rock and Roll motherf*cker', and we loaded the van with guns and beer and we headed to North Carolina. But once we got there is was cold goddammit so we just decided to come on back. I guess the water came through and then subsided. Sh*t"

Harry Garcia
"Misty-Anne was drunk as hell and talking to this Shriner at the bar. The Shriner told Misty, 'hey Misty, 2012 is happening a little earlier than expected, as in tonight if you get my drift. You better head to the Colorado mountains real fast with your posse. We will need wingnuts around after the reckoning.' Well, those damn shriners know what they are talking about and so we left immediatly, all of us, D-Dog, Papa Biscuit, myself, Misty, Jim, Earl, Dagnabit, and our pets and our guns. But we got lost and then D-Dog was like 'f*ck it, lets just go to North Carolina and drink some beers up in them mountains."

Pappa Biscuit
"I don't even think we actually left. I think we were all just like, 'yeah, awesome, lets get outta here after another beer,' and then I don't know, I guess we just stayed."

Monday, December 7, 2009

Alert: Wingnut Prison Break

If you are a reptilian shape shifter, a shriner, or one of the followers of the Illuminate Underground that hangs out at Harry's Banana Farm, you had better lock your doors and load your plasma guns. Noah Wilson, one of the fiercest and wingiest of wingnuts escaped from a Belle Glade correctional facility tonight. Noah is personally responsible for the death of several hundred Jupiterian shit slurpers during a blood crazed rampage back in July of this year. "I make shit slurpees outta lizard people. I'm not ashamed. I've got a black belt. I once gave an Indian Burn to Galactar 5000," said Noah Wilson following conviction. "I don't regret what I done. I'd do it again. I won't rest till the Hillary Clinton and Bon Jovi are defeated.

EDIT: We've received this exclusive photo of Mr. Wilson punching through the prison wall.

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