Tuesday, June 16, 2009

NRA: Quizlings

The US citizen's healthy preoccupation with firearms has a dark side: Private citizens are outfitting the Indian Army in preparation for an Indo-Reptilian invasion. I know it's unnecessary to remind readers about Indian President Pratibha Patil's well documented three-way chocolate covered romantic tryst with John McCain and the 4" tall Venusian Prime Minister Krav'tek M'kol on Ganymede in early 2006, so I won't.
Last week, I never would have felt safer than in a room full of ornery, socially stunted and politically active gun owners, but now whenever I hang out with my dad and his buds, I'm worried that come 2012, he's going to rip of that mask to reveal the lizard face underneath. Worse yet is my fear that he will then rip off the mask that I never knew I was wearing to reveal an unattractive Jupiterian scowl.
Rest assured, gentle reader, that hours and hours of scrubbing my face with steel wool have done nothing to erode my doughy (and incredibly human) likeness. I feel the need to warn you, however, that my fellow reporters here at LWW refuse to submit to such a test and are almost certainly Olms, Reptiles, Jupiterians and/or Vitrioleuses.
These Asiatic Peninsula/Gas Giant/our own backyard goings on should serve as a reminder to us all of the importance of homemade potato cannons in the future fight for freedom.
Semper Wingnutus, friends in the dark, Semper Wingnutus.


Anonymous said...

In my experience, you need to start out with a rough file and then move on to a 400 grit sandpaper, only moving on to the steel wool for a rough finish and then polish with a 1200 grit.
Only after these steps have been followed can one be sure of one's own mammility.
As it stands, I no longer trust the integrity of your blog and will from here on out assume you to be part of the Smoldering Horde.
God Bless

Martha Stewart said...

I got me a gun you ugly muthas. I said I got me a gun! Bring on the Jupiterian communists! Bring on the Reptilian Iranistanis and Al Quidetarians!

Anonymous said...

The image for this story if photoshopped. The spider ufo people haven't come back to earth since their occupants all died by breathing our atmosphere back in the 1930s. This is ridiculous. Why would they make the same mistake twice? Idiots.

Reptilian Smack Down! Lords Of The Dewlap Unite! Sexyboy3811 said...

I'll give up my outer humanoid shell when you rip it from my cold dead body. I have a constitutional right to be a reptilian shape-shifter. If I ever see any of you people on the street I am going to eat part of your head.

Search The Winger Vaults