Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The US citizen's healthy preoccupation with firearms has a dark side: Private citizens are outfitting the Indian Army in preparation for an Indo-Reptilian invasion. I know it's unnecessary to remind readers about Indian President Pratibha Patil's well documented three-way chocolate covered romantic tryst with John McCain and the 4" tall Venusian Prime Minister Krav'tek M'kol on Ganymede in early 2006, so I won't.
Last week, I never would have felt safer than in a room full of ornery, socially stunted and politically active gun owners, but now whenever I hang out with my dad and his buds, I'm worried that come 2012, he's going to rip of that mask to reveal the lizard face underneath. Worse yet is my fear that he will then rip off the mask that I never knew I was wearing to reveal an unattractive Jupiterian scowl.
Rest assured, gentle reader, that hours and hours of scrubbing my face with steel wool have done nothing to erode my doughy (and incredibly human) likeness. I feel the need to warn you, however, that my fellow reporters here at LWW refuse to submit to such a test and are almost certainly Olms, Reptiles, Jupiterians and/or Vitrioleuses.
These Asiatic Peninsula/Gas Giant/our own backyard goings on should serve as a reminder to us all of the importance of homemade potato cannons in the future fight for freedom.
Semper Wingnutus, friends in the dark, Semper Wingnutus.