Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Update! Nothing Is As It Seems--The Lake Worth Wingnut Secretly Controlled by the Universal Lightworkers, Massage Therapists and other Reptilians

June 2nd, 2009--Befitting our promise to bring the wing to the nuts while maintaining utmost transparency in reporting and bias a local report has uncovered a conspiracy in our own sacred space of reportage. Please read the communique below.

Dearest LWWNuts, It has come to the attention of this reporter that our media organization which promises to see beyond the smoke and mirrors of the international conspiracy of the reptilians and Cirque du Soleil, is itself a counter-intelligence division of the One World Illusion. Last night I decided that I would check out a workshop on "The Angel's Path to Destiny, Abundance, and Harmony," in the yoga studio of the Soma Center in Lake Worth. A great many people attended and there was wonderful talk of healing energy transmissions through touch and discussions on fearless love. I met the creme de la creme of life coaches, intuitive readers, reiki instructors, and cranialsacral therapists. Most seemed a little, well you know, full of shit and a tad bit overly, well, pathetic, boring and middle class, but I felt welcomed.

But being welcomed by a hoard of shit slurping hell beasts bent on universal domination and the propagation of the CIA's deadly "Bourgeois Contamo-Seed" is no welcoming anyone should ever envy. At exactly 8:30 pm, the doors to the yoga studio closed, and all the attendees took their true shape. I was surrounded by the shapeshifters. They immediately knew that I was a human, as I remained in human shape, and surrounded me. "You are not a reptilian! Lets kill him," they said.

"I am a Lake Worth Wingnut Reporter! The truth shall prevail you slimy pukes of the ruling class!" I screamed out, hoping to die with the victory of biting words in my mouth.

"Oh, the Wingnut" they said and immediately began to treat me with kindness. "We are sorry. We didn't know you were a collaborator. You do excellent work for us. The salary that we pay you is well earned."

I played up as though I understood them though at the time I did not. Upon reflection I realize that our media organization is a front. But we must not let that stop us from reporting the truth for only through truth comes the...truth.

Anyway, below is a photograph I took this morning of one of the yoga instructors at the Soma Center. Beware the Reptilians! Beware the Shriners!

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