Sunday, March 14, 2010
Crime Beat Alert: Richard Gere Type Creature Used As Blunt Instrument In Bar Fight At Brogues
the regular neckless hooligan frat bro-stink exuded from Brogue's Irish Pub in downtown Lake Worth was particularly acute. It wafted through the streets with a severity unmatched in recent weeks. As is the case most nights, a bar fight broke out between the preposterone induced rage of the Reptilian Dewlap Posse on one side and the quick menacing knives of the Shriners on the other. Somewhere in the midst of the brawl one of the Shriner's pulled out a small Richard Gere type creature from his stomach crevasse and beat a random passerby with it.
Mary Lindsey and Scott Maxwell broke into a local children's hospital to, in the words of Lindsey, "heckle the young and the innocent ones." Maxwell and Lindsey were arrested then released without charges.
a local anarchist threw a brick through her own home window in response to a purchase of Starbucks coffee she had made earlier in the day. The young woman was arrested and charged with conspiracy to overthrow one's own place within the system, domestic terrorism, and resisting arrest without violence. If found guilty she faces up to fifty years in federal prison.