Sunday, March 14, 2010

Crime Beat Alert: Richard Gere Type Creature Used As Blunt Instrument In Bar Fight At Brogues

the regular neckless hooligan frat bro-stink exuded from Brogue's Irish Pub in downtown Lake Worth was particularly acute. It wafted through the streets with a severity unmatched in recent weeks. As is the case most nights, a bar fight broke out between the preposterone induced rage of the Reptilian Dewlap Posse on one side and the quick menacing knives of the Shriners on the other. Somewhere in the midst of the brawl one of the Shriner's pulled out a small Richard Gere type creature from his stomach crevasse and beat a random passerby with it.

Mary Lindsey and Scott Maxwell broke into a local children's hospital to, in the words of Lindsey, "heckle the young and the innocent ones." Maxwell and Lindsey were arrested then released without charges.

a local anarchist threw a brick through her own home window in response to a purchase of Starbucks coffee she had made earlier in the day. The young woman was arrested and charged with conspiracy to overthrow one's own place within the system, domestic terrorism, and resisting arrest without violence. If found guilty she faces up to fifty years in federal prison.


palswithpalin said...

This kind of rampant self awareness and critique is exactly the type of crap you anarchists are known for!

Priscilla Dubbcomesaveme said...

I think I recall having seen the truth revealed in the eye of an eagle perched atop the head of a badger frothing at the mouth and drinking a Monster energy drink. Is this something anyone would be interested in? How about my old panties? Anyways, chow!

Joshua said...

Not resisting arrest without violence! That's, like, the worst possible thing somebody could ever do ever.

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